Audiobook Horoscopes for the Spring Equinox
By Erin Murphy
Northern hemisphere dwellers, we’ve almost made it: the first day of spring is officially less than one week away! We’ve made it through some snow, some rain, and Daylight Saving Time (though some of us may still be recovering) and now it’s time for the good stuff.
Envision it: we’re shaking off the blanket lint, rolling up the sleeves of our turtlenecks, and taking a tentative step out of our hibernation caves. The equinox and the start of Aries season also marks the astrological new year, so if you need another go at goals or resolutions from January, now is the time.
Let’s spring clean together, mind, body, and spirit. Put in your headphones, take a stroll while you listen to your star-assigned audiobook, and I’ll meet you in a sun-drenched meadow.
ARIES
Happy birthday, little ram! I hope you get gifted the salt lick of your dreams! Or is that just for goats? Either way, celebrate you will, and you’ll do it your way with your signature Aries spark and flair. Do you have an idea for a highly specific theme party? A vision of a dinner made entirely out of cheese? You can make it happen. And, because you’re magnetic you, trust your people will commit to the bit.
You should listen to:
TAURUS
We all know Taurus is our resident decadent homebody, but it’s time to take the cozy atmosphere you’re a pro at cultivating into the world and use it to connect with other people. Do you have outdoor space? Hold monthly dinner parties with a rotating cast of characters. No terrace? Do the same, but in the public greenspace of your choosing. It’s the perfect opportunity for bonding, and will make every place and space feel like a living room with warm lighting and a just-squishy-enough couch.
You should listen to:
GEMINI
What do you, emeralds, and rubies have in common? You’re all gems. This season, I’d like you to turn towards your career, your dreams, your aspirations. We’re all shaking the dust off right now, so that might make you feel a little nervous, but don’t doubt yourself: the time to start is now. No more thinking, no more planning, no more distractions. Find one actionable step: apply for two jobs a week. Research art supplies. Take a whole film roll of photos of the tree outside your bedroom window. The rest will fall into place, you just need to kickstart it.
You should listen to:
CANCER
I see you, you crustacean sensation! I really thought we all spent winter sitting on the couch watching reality shows we haven’t gotten around to yet, but I see now that you were moving in silence. You were evolving this whole time! You’ve been self-reflecting and learning. You are dumping that old shell and are ready to step onto the sand with a renewed sense of confidence. You are always in a sunbeam these days. What ever will you do with that power?
You should listen to:
LEO
Shout out to Aries season, because you are feeling this return to fire big time, kitty! You literally feel reignited, like a freshly struck match. For you, that means it’s time to play. I want you on a vacation, or if that’s not in the cards, I want you absolutely frolicking around your town. A getaway or a staycation will be the perfect way for you to get out of your own head, and follow your joyous instincts with no inhibitions–let’s get you back to your nature.
You should listen to:
VIRGO
What does a Virgo love more than one New Year? Two New Years. Don’t pretend you’re not tapping your toes and giggling that you get a whole second chance at resolutions, habits, and new hobbies. I know your list is made and you’ve likely checked it more than twice, so it’s time to get going. I want you in a new yoga class or kicking your food delivery habit stat.
You should listen to:
LIBRA
Time for you to look inward, Libra, and I’m not talking soul-searching! Perhaps you’ve spent a lot of time seeking out various cozy establishments to hunker down in for the frigid months. I don’t blame you: I myself cannot resist a pub with a fireplace. But now it’s time to zhuzh your own space! Crack open your windows, let grass-scented breeze in, and start rearranging…or arranging. All spring long you’ll be happy to have a lovely place to land after your sun-soaked days.
You should listen to:
SCORPIO
You lovestruck little bug! Are you crushing on someone? Crushing on yourself? Crushing on your neighborhood? Who or what ever the object of your affections may be, smushy feelings are undeniable. It’s time to spring clean your dating routine if you’re single, and if you’re not, it’s time to add a little pizazz to your relationship. If you’re single, delete the apps and ask someone out in person. If you’re betrothed, do something together that you’ve never done before. If you’re not feeling romance? Do something nice for someone around you. Daisies for all!
You should listen to:
SAGITTARIUS
You may be a winter pony, but perhaps you feel like you’re thawing and becoming a real person once again. Or real horse. But don’t go out galloping all at once–we don’t want your fire to burn out! After a period of rest, you’ll want to re-enter the world slowly. Start with your nearest and dearest. Either make a number of plans to see your peeps one on one, or throw one big shindig with everyone in one room, then nap.
You should listen to:
CAPRICORN
Alright, I get it, you’re a little off kilter. You haven’t felt guilt for hiding in your work bunker all winter long. But now the buds are budding and the birds are chirping and you’re feeling a little stressy about how you’re going to balance your desire to frolic with your inherent need to work. Great news: you don’t have to figure it out all on your own! Pick a like-minded friend with a project of their own, and help each other even the scales.
You should listen to:
AQUARIUS
I know this is gonna seem lame and anti-Aqua, but spend a little time doing some life admin at the beginning of the season. This is not the usual go-to for you, who would rather spend your time hopping around galleries or pondering the cosmos, but it’s only because I want to see you set up for success. If you take a weekend, or even just a few nights after work, and plan out your vacation time, your financials, and your other responsibilities you’ll be on track to have the stress-free summer you deserve.
You should listen to:
PISCES
It’s self-care time, fish fry! And you know what, I’m gonna challenge you to take it one step further: ask the people around you to help bolster you a little, too. It might feel uncomfortable, but the people around you more than likely want to! Ask for help moving, practice some radical honesty about the kind of hangouts that make you feel best, ask for a hug if you need it. That paired with a sweet night routine? You’re gonna be glowing.
You should listen to:
