Audiobook Horoscopes for the Winter Solstice

December 21, 2023 marks this year’s Winter Solstice!

I’m just going to rip the Band-Aid off: Winter Solstice + Mercury Retrograde = Mess. Add the nostalgia of the Yuletide season and, well. Let’s just say you might find yourself on Instagram looking up that person you went on a first date with in 2017 just to see.

It’s not your fault: it’s the hometown, red wine, sweater sock of it all. All you can do is lean in, and choose who you DM wisely so you’re not shell-shocked when Mercury stations direct.

But we’re optimists here, so the wonderful part of the Winter Solstice is the coziness factor. It’s the shortest day of the year and the longest night, making it the perfect time to hunker down with the audiobook that will carry your zodiac sign through the winter months.

CAPRICORN

Happiest season, young Cap! You either usher in the Solstice or the Solstice ushers in you. Either way, what joy! Great news: the Winter Solstice will make you more charming than ever. I mean it. Flirt up a storm. But beware the aforementioned DMs of flirtations gone by. And try not to hurt anyone without meaning to in the process. This is your moment to cut loose, be free, and keep an eye toward love.

AQUARIUS

Your chosen form of nostalgia this season will be looking back at every scrap of ephemera you’ve ever saved. Partially because it’s fun, and partially because you’re reminding yourself of who you are. Revisit your hopes, dreams, failures and heartbreaks as your turn your sights on a new year. Let go of the bad and, if they’re still relevant, let those old hopes and dreams drift to the surface. And if they’re not, write down your new ones.

PISCES

Time to start a project! This could be anything, but make it community minded. A zine, a space for folks to hang out in, or a clean-up project on your block. Whatever it is, you don’t have to do it alone, though you are the mastermind. Brainstorm who amongst your current friends would want to collaborate with you, or be on the lookout for someone new who could just be your creative soulmate.

ARIES

Recently, you might find yourself the unknowing subject of gossip…or perhaps you’re the one hearing something interesting about somebody that you used to know. It is the holidays, after all. However, it’s all white noise to you, because you’re feeling mellow surrounding yourself with your best pals. Chatter is best shared at a good ol fashioned slumber party.

TAURUS

It may be shocking, as you’re a spring baby, but I always associate the deep winter months with Taureans. Homebodies by nature, y’all have the warm environment down. I dare someone you’re trying to cuff to leave based on coziness alone. And it’s not just your penchant for quilt nests. Your energy will have folks flocking to you like moths to a well-decorated fireplace’s flame.

GEMINI

Some janky things may have been happening in your life recently, and you may have found yourself thinking “I KNEW it” a number of times. That’s your intuition knocking, baby! Open the door, let her in, because she is your best friend. Listen to her. I’m not gonna say you’re always going to be right, but what I can say is, for example, if you feel like someone you have a crush on might have been sending one of those nostalgic messages to someone else, direct your attention away from them and toward a spinach artichoke dip.

CANCER

All you wanna get is, a little bit closerrrrr! Interesting circumstances may be bringing unexpected friends closer to you in unexpected ways…keep your mind open. This could be a really great season of reconnection for you, and a reminder that people can grow and find themselves back in each other’s orbits in really beautiful ways.

LEO

Yo, are you a lion or a bee? Because you’re looking busy. Another beautiful B word? *~boundaries~*. You don’t want to *~burn~* yourself out, sweet Simba. If a packed calendar is what you need to make it through this season of holiday parties and pigs in a blanket, then just make sure you schedule in some downtime. For example, 4-5:30 PM on Thursday: sip a tea in a dark room.

VIRGO

You’ve got the craft bug! Your creativity is shining through, what luck! Winter is a great time to stay in and make make make. Two pieces of advice: 1.) make whatever you want for yourself, without feeling obligated to share with others. 2.) don’t think too hard about making something “good”–you may surprise yourself with what comes out when you let the energy take over.

LIBRA

For you, loved ones are the reason for the season. Well, loved ones and soft ripened cheeses. I’d venture a guess that your shopping is all done, with the perfectly selected gift for each person. You’re focused on making the people around you feel good, and guess what? They do, just by being in your presence! What a deal!

SCORPIO

So maybe it’s not your season, and maybe Mercury retrograde isn’t exactly the time…but true to Scorpio fashion you’re saying exactly what’s on your mind, no matter how cutting it might be, and I for one am here for it! You have more opportunity to gab, since you’re obviously invited to every holiday party ever. Talk your talk, just do it strategically and don’t get into trouble. That way you can remain everyone’s favorite party guest.

SAGITTARIUS

I hope you had a wonderful season, pony pants! (or should I say *we*…Sagittarian author reveal). We partied, and now it is time for us to smartie. Here’s a resolution for you: let’s get those finances in order. I don’t mean become a world class trader or anything, but let’s try to figure out how some of these things work without getting bored and drifting off to go stare at a painting for hours instead. Think of it this way: when we accomplish something financial, there are so many treats of all kinds to be had.